The Great Divide

This weekend was a myriad of uneasy emotions.

While I would like to share my thoughts on this weekend's attacks - I shall refrain.  Not because I don't have something to say but rather I can't summon the strength or heart to do so.  Many have already voiced their opinions, took to social media, made these opinions viral and few have caused uproar.  It is here, on this blog that I will remain silent on such a heavy topic and instead voice my opinion on what transpired this past Friday the 13th.

It was an interesting evening that spontaneously landed my friends and I at The Citizen, a hot spot for twenty-somethings in Toronto.  I am a twenty-something.  But it was here, I realized that there is a the great divide between the "barely-twenty-somethings" and the "we're-not-gonna-question-your-age-because-you-are-most-certainly-above-21-somethings".

Here are the biggest tells that you are TOTALLY over the age of 25:

1. You wait longer in line - because your friend that used to promote at the club has since settled down and popped out a few kids.  Which reminds you that you should send him and his wife a Congrats on the new addition! message on Facebook.
2. You're wearing a coat and probably a scarf - because it's NOVEMBER dammit and you are too wise and too successful to skimp on the coat check.   Hypothermia can be avoided for the low cost of $3.
3. You're laughing at those wearing five-inch heels - because you know your bunions are going to feel it the next day.
4. You buy your own drinks - because $7 for a vodka soda is worth the sanity of knowing you don't have to strike up a dry convo with a random boy to buy them for you.
5. You live for the #Waybacks - Who is Ariana Grande?  No no no, toss me some Ashanti. STAT!
6. "Getting Low" is a thing of the past - The last time my ass touched a dance floor was in Vegas.  The only thing I'll bend over for now is to pickup my Blistex lip balm that fell out of my Mom-sized purse.
7. You frown upon The DFMO - Okay, I lied a little.  I was slightly envious of those engaging in a hot Dance-Floor-Make-Out.  It brought back feelings of nostalgia.  Giving a fake name, putting on a fake accent, then spending the night lips locked with a stranger.  UGH, good times.  But either way, you know that this whole charade is tacky and can't be done.  Mainly because you're old and you can't wheel like you used to because of well, all of above.
8. You don't wait until the lights come on to leave the club - because you're one long yawn away from locking your jaw.
9. Someone in your group is on a cleanse (or has yoga in the morning) and is therefore the DD - On Friday, it was me.  And no, I won't be having carbs until Christmas.
10. The next morning is T-U-F-F - even though you had one Jäger shot and a vodka soda, you miss your yoga class and opt for a heaping bowl of Corn Pops while watching Netflix at noon.

Despite the above, I feel better about my nightlife choices.  It helps me sleep better at night.  Since, you know, I actually go to bed when it's still considered "nighttime" these days.

Unfriending

With all this spare time on my hands, I've been cleaning out my life.  Ridding all the toxins, dirt, dust, grime from it.  This includes cleaning my closet, the basement, the garage, my car trunk, my hair tools drawer (that was an effing feat), and most importantly my social media audiences.

Over the past nine years I have accumulated many "friends"- yet it's becoming increasingly evident that I have maybe five, on a good day - like...my birthday.  So how is it that 400+ people care about my life?  Or better yet, have I ever really cared that much about theirs?

I decided to clear the acquaintance clutter and Unfriend some people on Facebook (and unfollow a few on Instagram).  But it was much harder than I thought.  You see, when your unemployed your mind can't help but think "Shit, they have a good job - what if I need a referral?" or "She still owes me from that thing with the guy in that place - bitch better not forget it either!"

To help, I devised a fool proof categorization process that you too can use to finally rid of your odd accumulation of friendship trysts.

KEEP:

1. Family - this includes your weird cousin Josh who used to eat his boogers.  Because nothing is weirder than a baptism where little Joshy causes a scene on why he didn't get the invite to your backyard BBQ.
2. BFFs -  as in the people that you share cute puppy videos with or tag in crazy girlfriend Vine vids.  Or better yet, are the ones Facebook alerts you with when you have a Friendaversary.  Nothing says love like a 4 year friend connection.
3. Current Co-workers - even if you hate them.  They've added you, you added them back.  No time to be petty about it.  If nothing else, change your post settings so that they don't like any of your recent posts only to use it as content for a lunch time conversation starter. 
4. Your crushes from elementary and high school - It's good for them to know how good you're looking these days.  Also equally important for you to note who they're dating, if they're losing their hair, if they gained weight, or knocked somebody up.  These prompts can really put a pep in your step on an otherwise grim Monday.
5. Frenemies from elementary and high school - The Regina George of my high school had a real fall from grace after graduation. While her status posts are annoying to see in my timeline, it's satisfying to see that her mom was the only to Like that she was YYZ ---> LAX'ing.

REMOVE:

1. Deactivated accounts - the staggering number of Facebook avatar icons was somewhat of a blessing in disguise.  Whether they had deactivated their accounts or blocked me - I was able to say toodles to a ton of people without feeling bad.
2. Your exes - They should be treated more like "Y's" as in Why would I do that?  Although, had I deleted my elementary school ex three years ago, I wouldn't have been able to creep him incessantly until I finally mustered up the courage to ask him out.  
3. Your exes family - their blood runs thicker than your Vitamin Water sweetie, they've gotta go.
4. Anyone with purposefully misspelled names - they're obvious morons and you'll be severely judged by future employers if you're deemed Close Friends with "Papi Chu-Lowe"
5. Anyone who posts regularly about socio-economic, religious and/or political issues - it's exhausting and since you're likely NOT a foreign correspondent for CNN - you can get your news elsewhere.
6. Anyone who posts wannabe inspirational quotes - Double unfriend if it's accompanied by a pic of them in a bikini doing a Peace sign.  I'm sure the Dalai Lama would be so impressed by your preaching in a Vic Secret outfit.
7. Anyone who invites you to play Candy Crush on the daily - tell them to shove their requests up Mr. Toffee's ass.
8. Your group mates from college - I had three young chaps that I only ever messaged when I needed notes from classes I slept through due to a Malibu-induced hangover.  Thanks boys for helping me score an 83% in Bio!

IT'S REALLY YOUR CALL:

1. Your former co-workers - I love all of mine and I also never left a job on terribly bad terms.
2. An ex boy/girl toy - Would you EVER consider shamelessly using them for their body again? 
3. A really annoying superior that doesn't really know their way around a hashtag - but how extensive is their network?
4. Drunken Party Friend Adds - these are only worthy should these people have hookups to exclusive events.  But good on you for being coherent enough to search them up while mildly intoxicated!

Happy unfriending m'loves!

To Gym or Not to Gym

If one good thing has come out of this being "funemployed" thing - it's that I can hit the gym any time I want.

WAIT! Don't go.  I promise I am the antithesis of gymrat-chet.  In fact, this is an image of me at the gym earlier today:

I workout to eat.  And being a half-Italian, half-Greek mutt I do A LOT of eating.  Thus, homegirl needs to hit the gym at a minimum five times each week.  That's aggressive, yes.  Impossible, basically.  But not now!  HAAAYYYY!  

It's like this new found freedom that I have literally NO WHERE to be but glued to a Stairmaster.  I can catch up on episodes of Dr. Phil, talk to Mary about her kids, sip mint flavoured water out of my Arbonne infuser bottle and wear my squeaky orthotics in stride. So I might be slowly morphing into a stay-at-home mom.  Except I don't have the tough job of molding the lives of youth.  Which means I can return home to watch episodes of New Girl until I slip into a spin-class-induced coma.

And not to fret, I don't intend to get fit - my metabolism has slowed to the point of no return.  So yes, I'll be having the large bag of popcorn at the theatre tonight because dammit, my sore bunions have earned it.

I Can't Help but Beliebe

Hi I'm Sarina, I'm 25 years old and I'm a Belieber.

Damn, this kid is good. Wait, when can I stop calling him kid? If he's only four years younger than me and he's officially legal in the US, can I just call him a man?  A beautifully adorable man?  Probably not if I'm still calling him adorable right?

I have committed myself to the very important Justin Bieber week on Ellen. He's incredible.  On today's episode, he didn't say much more than what he usually says about his relationship with Selena - how he wants her to be happy, or his past crazy ways - how he should've listened more, or about his friendship with Ellen - how she catapulted him into super stardom.  But then he sang, and his eyes twinkled and now I'm left scribbling Mrs. Justin Bieber on my overpriced Indigo notebooks.

I've officially set my PVR to record the rest of the week's episodes. There's going to be a concert on Friday's show to launch his (highly self-anticipated) Purpose album launch.  I hope there will also be some toplessness - can they do that during a daytime show? Nevertheless, I cannot wait to see what he's got up his fully tattooed and perfectly chiseled sleeve.

For now, I'll get back to compiling my YouTube playlist of his classic hits while I attempt to master this choreo before his album drops. #sorrynotsorry

The Funemployment Revelation

So I was fired.  No, sorry "laid off".  I'm not allowed to say fired because this was a mass-lay-off-that-affected-hundreds-of-my-colleagues. 

But! This isn't a pity party.  

No, this is a celebration - to a new chapter I shall title Funemployment.

There is nothing "fun" really about being unemployed.  It's a series of "Oh shit, what the eff am I gonna do now?" followed by a few more "This is actually a blessing in disguise, I totally have time to "do-me" and just travel" then immediately followed by "but with what money do I have to travel and spend frivolously on lavish things for myself?".  Then last, it's a "Fuck it, I'll start my new life tomorrow."

My tomorrow, was actually today.

I've been out of a job now for an entire four days.  It's been rough - I haven't had a day off in 10 years and needless to say I have NO idea how to be unemployed. I've applied to 13 jobs; seven of which I could see myself in, three are simply for the interview experience, the last few I am overqualified for.  I know, there's no such thing as overqualified, you're right.  It's not beneath me to work my way to the top but considering I've been graduated for 3.5 years and (legally) part of the workforce since I was 16 years old - I know I need to be setting myself a bit higher.  

In the meantime though, I will likely be heading back to my old serving job at a local bar.  It's exhilarating to have cash as the only thing you bring home at the end of a shift.  Serving helped me pay my way through university, bought me my first (used) car, paid for weekend partying in Montreal, Vegas, Chicago, Boston, Miami, etc and eases my mind knowing that I will ALWAYS have change for my bold black coffees.  

For now, I am going to dig through my car seats to find enough dimes to earn me a tall pike roast.